Weight: 8 lbs
Sex: Male
Favorite Movie: A Quiet Place
Fun Fact: Bates' pretty sure he saw Jason Statham in a marina once
Favorite Beer: St. Bernardus Abt 12

We didn't name our dog Bates for sheer coincidence. The name originates from the Old English "Bat", meaning "Boat", as used to identify a person whose occupation was boatman. But, we never expected a mutiny at sea, where he designated himself as "The Captain."

Bates is a straight-up conspiracy theorist. He makes his own food because he swears "Taste of the Wild" is tracking his movements.

He's seen some shit too. You know how there was a Belgian Malinois with Seal Team 6 when they got Bin Laden? Well, there was a Chihuahua there too, but mainstream media just won’t talk about it.

Bates also built an "end of times" bunker made of his own blankets. And he tells everyone he’s been to Area 51, but it’s actually just an abandoned shed on Bainbridge Island. No one dares tell him otherwise.